Wednesday, April 24, 2013

It seemed like a good idea at the time


cute little time-wasters
To make Jamie Oliver's Amalfi baked lemons you cut lemons in half, scrape out the flesh, stuff the shells with mozzarella, cherry tomato, and anchovy, then bake. Scoop the melted contents of the lemon  onto bread and eat.

How was this dish? Not as delicious as it was conceptually cool -- that would be impossible -- but quite tasty. Jamie writes that the mozzarella "absorbs the lovely lemon flavor when it bakes" and I was curious to experience this flavor, but all I picked up was a slight, not unpleasant bitterness. Verdict: They were a lot of fussy work and while they double as a conversation piece, once you've had the conversation there is no reason to ever make them again.

I served the lemons for our regular Sunday family dinner with my father and my sister's crew. Mark did his manly duty and grilled steaks (more on manliness and red meat below) and I made roasted sweet potatoes with a k-town kick from Debbie Lee's Seoultown Kitchen. There's a story behind the decision to cook sweet potatoes "with a k-town kick" and that story involves a dilemma and that dilemma has been stressing me out. I'm going to tell the story right now even though it interrupts this riveting narrative of a family dinner:

I'm hosting my all-female book club on Friday. We're discussing Nothing to Envy by Barbara Demick, the most engrossing and altogether excellent book I read in 2012. Nothing to Envy is about North Korea and in a fit of exuberance a few months ago, I announced I would serve a Korean dinner as a backdrop to our discussion. I had in mind to prepare the only Korean dish I have ever prepared: Momofuku bo ssam, a monumental pork shoulder cooked in salt and sugar for hours and hours and served with chile sauce and rice and wrapped in lettuce leaves. It is delicious, insanely, insanely delicious, and surprisingly easy.

But as the date approached, I began to have qualms. The vegan in our group had a prior engagement, but what about everyone else? Something felt wrong. I sent out an email inquiring about dietary restrictions. The replies were evenly split between "I eat everything" and "I'm dairy/gluten intolerant, but whatever you cook, I'll work around it."

No one said they didn't eat red meat. Yet the misgivings persisted. Finally, one book group member, a lovely person, wrote: "I don't eat gluten, but don't worry about me. I'll fill up on veggies!"

She didn't write, "I'll fill up on the meat!" or "I'll fill up on everything else!" She wrote, "I'll fill up on veggies!"

I knew exactly why she wrote that. She wrote that for the same reason I've been uneasy about the bo ssam menu. Women, including me, assume that other women will feed them veggies. Or fish. Maybe chicken. But not meat, never meat. The first time I made bo ssam I made it with my friend Lisa, but we were having dinner with our husbands, which made it acceptable to serve and eat large portions of fatty pork. Our husbands didn't even know what bo ssam was; Lisa and I were the enthusiastic instigators. But if it had just been Lisa and me, or Lisa and me and two other women, we would not have cooked bo ssam.

Why is this? Why is meat for the men and sole for the ladies? Is it because women are supposed to be dainty and meat is primal and bloody? Because meat involves violence and women are supposed to be gentle? Because women are more health-conscious than men? Because women are always on diets? Because we pretend we're health conscious and on diets even when we're not? Because we find meat "too heavy?" Because we pretend to find meat "too heavy?" Because meat is historically too precious to be wasted on women? Is it about not wanting meat or is it about not deserving meat?

I can barely look at this picture.
Anyway, I decided to try to find some Korean vegetable dishes from Seoultown Kitchen to serve alongside the bo ssam. I started with the aforementioned sweet potatoes and ended with the aforementioned sweet potatoes. You roast them with sugar, spices, soy sauce, and a boatload of sesame oil and they were salty, unctuous, cloying, and sugary. I hated them. No one else hated them, but I hated them so much that I lost all enthusiasm for testing more Korean vegetable dishes.

Here's my question:

Do I forge ahead with the bo ssam and serve a big, substantial salad alongside? Or do I explain that I couldn't pull off a Korean dinner after all and serve black bean chili? I should add that everyone in the book group is great and that no one will complain. I just don't want the evening to be weird. Thoughts?

End of Korean interlude.

Back to Sunday dinner. If you've lost your bearings, it's now time for dessert:

A year ago I saw a recipe for raspberry shortbread in Elizabeth David's Summer Cooking and it sounded magical, like something Mary Poppins would serve. I've wondered about raspberry shortbread ever since and decided to give it a go. I pictured hard, buttery shortbread embedded with juicy berries, but this was not what I pulled out of the oven. What I pulled out of the oven was a raspberry crisp with a very sandy topping. It was delightful served hot with vanilla ice cream, if not exactly what I'd been hoping for. The recipe is here, posted by someone who had the same expectations and results that I did.

Why would anyone think this pistol can subsist on cucumber sandwiches, poached eggs, and blueberries . . . 
but that these two clowns require meat?

59 comments:

  1. "Make the bo ssam!" says the woman who would tear it up had she been invited :)! Themed food, meat or not, is such a good idea!

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  2. Serve the Momofuku bo ssam (which I've been dying to try -- ) and a big salad. These are your reading friends and they will appreciate the cooking and the connection to the book. You cannot please everyone but I think it sounds great...! Women and eating is far too often fraught with complications anything we can do to make it less so is a step in the right direction....

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  3. Forge ahead with the bo ssam! You know how delicious it is. With the sauces, the rice, the lettuce - and the right cocktail. It will not be weird.

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  4. Alright, I'll bite. First, thanks to the Paleo movement it's now entirely acceptable for women to eat large portions of meat (so long as it's pastured and sustainably raised), and thank goodness for that!!
    My friend Chelsea and I are the sole cooks in our families and that means we wield grilling tongs, bakeware and cast iron with our crazy buff arms and are healthier and happier for it all. Although when we went out the other day she got a fish salad and I got a turkey burger, so what gives? Maybe it's culturally ingrained? It didn't stop her daughter from eating all my ham at our picnic tonight though. Where my son opted for cheese, hmm.

    Don't give up on the Korean either. Make some Kimchi and find a less mushy vegetable than sweet potato. The only appropriate way to prepare those is with some sort of vinegar or mustard. Or on the grill, or fried, with salt. Why would any recipe add sugar to sweet potatoes??

    Korean is known for all their little side dishes of fermented and cooling foods, so experiment with some of those. And tell your book club friends to each bring a veggie dish with an asian flair to make everyone else feel better. Serve the pork butt, guilt free, and enjoy every single bite. And certainly do a post with photos about the outcome of this upcoming meal.

    On a total aside, I know you've been working on your food photography. I've learned that using natural light, next to a window or outside, makes for the best pictures. And when that fails I use PicMonkey (totally free and online) and it will make average pictures awesome. Plus you can put sparkles and sunbeams on things, which somehow makes them more appetizing.

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    1. I bought some little snacks at the Korean market to serve with the meal and since I am late with the planning, bought some kimchi.
      My problem with light is that the food is usually ready at night. I'm going to check out PicMonkey today.

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  5. The potential gender implications are intriguing. That said, I'm a woman and not a fan of red meat, and would have to politely avoid it myself -- but you know the preferences of your guests best!

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  6. Pork isn't red meat to me, not that it matters. I'd be thrilled to have slow cooked pork or beef at someone's home, Tipsy. 36 & female. Unless these people never get to choose what they eat, a night at a friend's now and then should be doable by most adults. They can eat "healthier" on their own if they want. Or refuse the pork in favor of the salad.

    Soy sauce has gluten in it, no? For that reason alone I'd avoid the sweet potatoes for these guests. Another is that roasted vegetables just don't need added sugar.

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    1. Is pork really white meat? I was wondering about that. I consider it red because it's red before you cook it, but I know it's been marketed as "the other white meat."

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    2. Tamari is a great gluten free alternative to soy sauce...I think they taste about the same, so we always just keep tamari, so that when my GF family members come around I don't have to wonder if they can eat my sauces.

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  7. bo ssam all the way. maybe jap chae if you want a non meat side dish that is a Korean crowd pleaser (even Sophie ate it when she used to be pickier). It does have soy sauce in it. I hate all the food intolerances these days and feel like if you are an adult you can just make do. I would expect the same of my kids if I brought them to a dinner party. Coming from a person who is making 200+ mini vegan cupcakes for an event this weekend I don't know how much my opinion means...

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  8. Make the ssam. I'm a woman and I love pork. It'll be daintier than the sweet potatoes, anyway.

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  9. My Input: I don't eat pork. I would probably politely nibble a bit, and then hit McDonalds on the way home. :( HOWEVER, I would be Very Enthusiastic about trying it, especially when a) someone else is cooking it; and b) someone else is paying for it. (Sorry, I am a practical person, and it is fun to be adventurous on someone else's dime - lol!) So my vote is for you to make the bo ssam (sp?); you blog to thousands about your cooking adventures, and if I lived in the area, I would be itching to attend your book club with you cooking - sort of like getting a personal invite to "Julia Child's" house, if you know what I mean? Plus, all of the women who aren't "supposed" to eat things simply HAVE TO TRY IT when they are at your house (because otherwise they would be rude, and they don't want to be rude!), which means they are blessing you inside of themselves for giving them an opportunity to try something they wouldn't be able to get their families to try easily (as you know from your travails with your own family, who are surprisingly good about things as far as I have read). Do it! :) And take pictures! Also, serve chocolate, please. Pork, chocolate, some kind of cocktail - I can only drool and dream.... :) Best, Ida

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  10. Make the bo ssam! I've been wanting to try it but my husband is not a big fan of pork. You may have a very appreciative book club.

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  11. Do the pork, and add some banchan dishes that you can get already prepared; maybe some kimchi (mild, strong, or both). You can definitely prepare a cold noodle dish for the vegetarians. Have you ever checked www.maangchi.com? It is a great site on Korean cooking.
    Oz

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  12. Is there a veggie alternative or a different lighter meat, like ground turkey or chicken that you could also wrap in lettuce leaves? This way, people could choose which they wanted. BTW, I am 42 and female and I do not think in terms of male and female food, although I live in a house with all men, so maybe that is it. Or my dad did all the cooking when I was growing up, not my mom. So I say make the pork, and then you can tell people "you said no gluten!"

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  13. Make the bo ssam! And check out this popular website for some Korean veggie dishes:
    http://www.maangchi.com/recipes

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    1. Thank you! I did and am going to make spinach salad and broccoli salad. I like her pink hair.

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  14. Following up on my Maangchi rec above, maybe try (all from the ban chan section):
    Green onion pancake
    Bean sprout side dish
    Pan fried tofu with spicy sauce
    Spinach side dish

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  15. Well you asked them what they did not eat. They have no one to blame if they are served something they don't eat. I, too, am frustrated by all these intolerances you hear people mention these days. Some of it is real, some of it is just trendy. I love pork, and I would love a report on this dish. I say fix a salad, people always eat salad, maybe the chopped salad by Bittman that was in the NYT this week. It's cabbage based, which is definitely Korean. A noodle dish would be hard unless you use gluten free noodles. I say salad, pork, a dessert. That's plenty. You are your own worst critic, Jennifer, so have fun and don't worry so much! Coming to your house would be so much fun! Have you reviewed this book?

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    1. I didn't review it, Beckster, I just loved it. It was on my list for a long time and I couldn't quite bring myself to read it bc it sounded a little dry, but it was enthralling, sad, powerful. Just an incredible book.

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  16. Absolutely make the meat dish. You asked for dietary restrictions, and no one said no meat.

    On another note, that was an amazing book. You might like to follow up with The Orphan Master's Son by Adam Johnson (which just won the Pulitzer), a novel set in North Korea. They make a great pair.

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    1. Ha! I just got Orphan Master's Son out of the library.

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  17. Serve the pork! I'm not much of a meat eater and salmon is my favorite protein but pork is a very close second. (Even those of us who have cholesterol issues indulge sometimes.) Yes also to the large salad. If you know that someone won't (or can't) eat the bo ssam, it would be a polite thing to do when she's an expected guest. Of course, it's also the polite thing if the guests don't request a special menu.

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  18. My book club too is full of women who eat like birds at our (dinner time) meetings. I've always viewed it as competitive under-eating - like they would eat more if other (very thin) women weren't watching.

    You are a gracious, generous host and you should feel no need to cater to anyone's undisclosed food issues. Make the bo ssam! I bet that members of your book club will find it liberating.

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  19. And while I'm commenting... What do you think of the latest Penelope Trunk post about how kids don't really need to go to college? Saw that and thought of you (and your kids).

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    1. I don't know what to think of that post. If you're a genius with an entrepreneurial spark you don't need to go to college and shouldn't, but don't most people need a little more structure? She's right, though, about internships and jobs. . .

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  20. This reminds me of a scene in a Barbara Pym novel (I don't remember which one), where the vicar was joining a group of middle-aged women for lunch. The meal was vegetable-based (maybe a cauliflower cheese?). The hostess announced that, of course, she'd be supplementing the vicar's serving with an egg. All the women agreed that would be the thing to do. The main character embarked on a somewhat-grumpy inner monologue wondering why everyone assumed a man would require the extra sustenance of an egg, but a woman wouldn't. That would have been me. I'd love to be served bo ssam.

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    1. I don't remember that scene, but I do remember all the cauliflower cheese in Barbara Pym. She is one of my favorite authors and that sounds like a scene she would write.

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  21. I would LOVE to come to the house of a good cook and eat slow-cooked pork!

    As for the gluten problem, I have several gluten-free desserts I make for the hipsters in Silver Lake who avoid gluten because it's trendy, Gwynneth Paltrow does it, they think it'll help them lose weight, all that crap. But some people (like my daughter) have celiac disease and can't eat even something that was cut on the same cutting board as a sandwich. It's a huge drag and they can't eat regular soy sauce (which is made of wheat mostly nowadays.) If you have someone like this to feed, they will appreciate the pork, and you can find gluten-free soy sauce in Asian markets. If you want a very easy gluten-free cookie recipe that is absolutely delicious:
    http://nougatt.wordpress.com/2011/07/23/pecan-cookies/

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    1. I just bought a pound of pecans and am going to make these cookies. They sound perfect.

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  22. Tipsy, you got a shout out on the NY Times Diner's Journal "What We're Reading":
    http://dinersjournal.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/04/25/what-were-reading-679/?partner=rss&emc=rss

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  23. To really match the meal to the book you should chop up some grass and weeds, and maybe a bit of pine bark, put it in hot water and call it soup.

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    1. I just started listening to The Orphan Master's Son, a novel set in North Korea, and the first chapter includes a mention of delicious "pumpkin rind soup." That would really be the appropriate themed entree for this book. Or sawdust. Or, as you say, grass and weeds.

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    2. That's what I was thinking! They are starving in North Korea!

      PS Read "Escape from Camp 14" next. It's chilling.

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  24. Make the bo ssam! Otherwise, you're part of the problem, right? Maybe consider making something vegetarian (tofu? mushrooms) that can also be wrapped in lettuce. Or, just smile graciously and feed your guests delicious food.

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  25. Honestly I'm not sure if I'm more annoyed by the fact that you spent so much time pondering this, or that you are part of a book club where this would be a ponderable topic, or that I'm not part of your book club. But then, I'm a 47 year old woman who loves pork and believes the experience of reading and sharing the book, and a meal inspired by it, should far outweigh (?) any concern for accommodating what seems like a dietary preference you've assumed about the group. Bo ssam all the way. And please start a bookclub for strident middle-aged women who love reading, cooking, eating virtually anything, and sharing the experience.

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  26. My vote is for the bo ssam and a salad.
    As for the meat for male vs. veggies for female stereoptype, I don't have a clue. All I know is that I would far prefer a helping of meat rather than one of salad, if I had the choice. :)

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  27. I would like to order the bo ssam with a side of salad please. I also like my steaks raw with a big fried blooming onion. Personally, I feel we should all be grateful that we live in a place and time that we can be so picky and actually turn up our noses at any type of food.

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    1. I know. Think about the North Koreans, feasting away on sawdust.
      I should add, no one has actually turned up their nose at any food. This was about my own qualms rooted in a general perception about women, cooking, and meat, not a comment on these particular women. Now I really just hope no one in book group reads my blog.

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  28. Make the meat. They will be grateful for the permission to eat something substantial for once.

    It *is* messed up. You're totally right, I cook very differently for couples than I do for just the girlfriends.

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  29. I am diabetic and try to live low-carb. But if I am invited to dinner and they serve lasagna, I eat it and use more insulin. When I was a vegetarian (no longer) I never asked a host for vegetarian food. I would come to your house, remark gleefully on the delicious smells, perhaps even taste the sauce (I stretched the rules a bit on these occasions) and compliment you, eat anything else that was available and be grateful that I didn't have to cook. When I cooked for a living I very happily made lovely meals to suit every dietary preference or allergy, but I was being paid. Your guests are lucky and I'm sure they know it.
    As to gender and food, I think it matters less with each passing year. My teen and older boys have brought many girls for Sunday dinners, which are usually "big hunk of meat and sides" nights. They always seem happy to dig in!

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  30. I say make the bo ssam. But two cautions. One is the gluten free caution. If making asian food with gluten free folks, be aware that most soy sauce does contain wheat/gluten in some amounts. Shocking, I know. Discovered when taking a gluten free friend out for Korean. If you want to provide veggies, then ask your local asian grocier if they carry a home made or high quality kimchi to go with your meal. And don't forget the rice! If you're into meat, try bulgogi sometime. Its a Korean American favorite. nom nom.

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  31. You know, I was about to comment and suggest making something customizable, like bibimbap, but you know? Fuck it. Make the bo ssam. I am a lady who likes to eat, and most of the people I associate with also like to eat. Like, a significant amount of time at a dinner party will be spent actively chowing down. Nobody said they're not huge meat eaters, and I think the bo ssam is more interesting than a bowl of rice or some veggies with soy sauce on them. Either these women will come to some sort of meat epiphany (meatpiphany?) and realize the gender norms that are keeping us from enjoying food free from societal judgment are just not worth it, or it will be awkward and no one will eat it. In which case, more bo ssam leftovers for you!

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  32. please please make the bo ssam, and serve it with great aplomb. For me and every woman who has ordered a rare steak and watched the server place the steak in front of her vegetarian husband; who has ordered red wine and watched the server place it in front of her white wine sipping male friend... time to admit it's the menstruating folk who need red wine and red meat; and that a good dose of fatty pork might make everybody happy.

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  33. Sorry, I don't buy your premise about women being unable to serve meat to women. My friends and I regularly host drunken Friday night girl only dinners while we debrief our work week and its always around a roast dinner. Last time was a leg of lamb and only a small amount of leftovers for the guys were taken home. We enjoy it and would never think twice about it being appropriate or not. How ridiculous. I think you need to get over yourselves and embrace your inner carnivore. Stuff like this is why women over regulate what they eat, damage their systems, have vitamin/iron deficiencies... All because the media / society says that we can only eat salads in public and even then must never eat the whole thing.
    Rebecca

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    1. Rebecca,
      My premise isn't that women are unable to serve meat to other women, but that they generally don't. I find that curious. My inner carnivore is in excellent shape and I have no reason to think the women in the book group are any different. But I don't know most of them very well and in figuring out this particular menu, I started thinking about the issue. It seems to me that you agree that it IS an issue -- if not for you and your girlfriends -- based on your last few sentences.

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  34. She didn't put forth a premise, she made an observation, and mused on it! And I love this post because I've observed the same thing, and ended up cooking different kinds of meals when my guests are all women. It has nothing to do with what women should do, or what anyone thinks is appropriate, it's just true that at a restaurant the women will OFTEN, not ALWAYS, order the salad, or the fish.

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  35. Cook the bo ssam. For sure. and make a BIG salad and have bread. and maybe the potatoes if others liked them? everyone will be happy.

    Be sure to send a report on how it went.

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  36. This is somewhat off topic, but I do think the gluten free thing has put a big wrench into cooking for others. I too am in a book club and recently a very fun lady joined who eats gluten-free. The meals since then have all been very strange. I think the main problem is that one cannot easily acertain whether something has gluten in it. We have vegetarians as well, but that hasn't had this type of effect, likely because we all know what a vegetarian won't eat. One host made everything from a gluten-free cookbook, with varying success. Another bought only things that were labelled gluten-free at the store, which resulted in a dinner made mostly from a box. I don't think there is anything to be done about, but it has had a noticable impact on our book club.

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  37. I made a ham for my book club! It was the only thing that I knew everybody could eat!

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