Thursday, June 02, 2016

Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental


The couple agreed on a lot of things, maybe even most things. They agreed about religion and they agreed about politics. They were both punctual to a fault and didn't care that their cars were held together (literally) by duct tape. Neither of them liked camping or theater, both loved road trips, Wyoming, donut shops, used bookstores, clam shacks, and the fifth season of Girls. He made her laugh all the time. She made him laugh when she sang. They tried to live by the Golden Rule and expected the same from their children. You could say they shared the same values, at least when it came to the important stuff. 

Or should we say “important” stuff. 

One fine May morning, the wife walked into the kitchen and found her husband at the counter cutting beautiful, big, sweet, crunchy cherries she’d bought at the farmers’ market into little raggedy pieces. He put these sad cherry filets into a Tupperware container for inclusion in their son’s lunch bag. 

What a tender and caring father, thought the wife, to make his 15-year-old son’s lunches.

And what a barbarian, thought the wife, to cut gorgeous cherries into limp pieces. 

He probably didn't know any better. After all, he hadn't been raised in a fruit-worshipping household as she had. She decided to treat this as a teaching moment. Gently and benevolently, she said, “You know, you shouldn’t cut up the cherries. It ruins them. They lose all their crunch.”

The husband, whose favorite fruit might well have been the banana, said, “Ok. I didn’t know that.” He finished cutting up the cherries and snapped on the Tupperware lid.

The rest of the day passed peacefully.

The next morning, the wife went into the kitchen and there her husband stood at the counter making their son’s lunch again, mutilating cherries.

“What are you doing?” the wife cried. “I told you yesterday, cherries are supposed to be kept whole.”

“I heard you,” said the husband. 

She said, “But. . .”

He said, “Let it rest. Don’t push it.”

“But you’re ruining the cherries!” the wife said. “And you’re sending the message that cherry pits are a huge when they’re not! You’re turning our child off to cherries!” 

 Possibly she sounded a bit shrill. One would have to ask the neighbors.

“Didn’t you hear me?” the husband replied. “Don’t push it.” 

There was a hard, warning edge to his voice, an edge the wife didn’t hear often but knew she should heed. Still, the wife would have pushed it. A tendency to push it was one of her very few character flaws. Mostly, she was perfect. Mercifully, at that very moment the wife’s sister called. The wife left the kitchen and whispered her frustration about the cutting of the cherries to the sister, who shared her dismay. Or pretended to. The sister agreed that yes, it was wrong, like someone putting an ice cube in a glass of great red wine or ordering a dry-aged New York steak “well done.”  The conversation calmed the wife, who did not renew her ridiculous argument with the husband about the cutting of the cherries, even though she knew she was 100% in the right.

The rest of the day passed peacefully, as did the rest of the week.

But the wife’s thoughts kept wandering back to the cherry contretemps. It was funny that a couple would fight about cherries. Not money, not sex, not Sanders vs. Clinton, not laundry, not the remote control or asking for directions or self-destructive habits, but cherries. It seemed to her that in twenty years of marriage she and her husband had basically fought just one fight, over and over again. Broadly speaking, it was always about cherries. That is to say, it was always about the proper role of eating in daily life. Even when an argument was about chickens or goats or the garden, it was somehow about the proper role of eating in daily life. The wife cared a lot about cooking and food. In fact, she was preoccupied by cooking and food. The husband wasn’t. In fact, he was actively hostile to food. When they were courting, he had said that he wished he could consume nourishment in a pill -- and she had found this bizarre, but charming. At the time.

Sadly, while presidential elections came every four years, meals happened three times a day.  

Were they ever going to stop bickering about cherries? The wife couldn't see how. They'd both dug in their heels. While cherries weren't going to end their marriage, there was no question cherries made their marriage slightly less delightful.

On Sunday morning, to the wife’s surprise, the husband asked if he could join her at “the fruit fair,” which was his name for the farmers’ market. The husband almost never accompanied her to the fruit fair. He would glower at the prices and the silly people who exulted over dainty little bunches of organic baby carrots. What was wrong with the 5-pound bags from Safeway? The fruit fair could ruin the husband's day. 

But if he wanted to subject himself to the fruit fair, the wife was happy for his company. It was a beautiful morning and the fair was crowded with people carrying baskets and pushing strollers and tasting blueberries. The couple strolled past the organic creamery and the goat butcher, the honey guy, the waffle truck, the organic apricots and peaches and the crates of Little Gems lettuces and basil. They talked about their children, who, they agreed, were both shaping up nicely. They talked about what movie they should see later that day and chose Maggie’s Plan. They decided they would like to go to Mexico City for a long weekend, but not this summer. The wife did notice that her husband periodically vanished. When she would turn around to ask if she should buy some strawberries that she'd been hovering over, he would be gone. A minute or so later, he would reappear and take any bags she might have acquired.

Finally, she asked him where he kept wandering off to.

“I walk away whenever it looks like you're going to pull out your wallet,” said the husband.

He did not say this in a sarcastic, accusatory way. He said it in a calm and kindly way. He seemed to be in an extremely good mood. 

It hit her suddenly, the way it did from time to time, what a good man she had married. As much as it annoyed her when her husband cut up cherries and filled the freezer with Steak-Umms and made caustic jokes about the meals she cooked, it had to bother him just as much, perhaps more, to see her lavishing money on wild salmon, a curry leaf tree, white corn, organic pea shoots, cookbooks, preserved lemons, and so on and so on, year after year after year, a river of precious cash flowing into the pockets of people producing things like Vita Mixes and sunchokes and mizuna, the purpose of which he would never in this lifetime understand. Never. 

When she looked at things from his point of view, she shuddered. 

But there he was in his baseball cap and Birkenstocks, amiably carrying bags of expensive foodstuffs that she wanted and he absolutely didn't. By simply wandering away when it looked like she might pay $6 per pound for Utah giant cherries, he had figured out how to keep his cool. Couldn't she find a way to hold her tongue when he cut those cherries up into little pieces for their son’s lunch. Yes. Yes, she could. Of course she could. They could get past the cherry fight and this was how. It was all about quiet acceptance and accommodation. She’d seen the light!

Unfortunately, one of the depressing lessons that it had taken her decades to learn was this: You keep having to see the light over and over again. The same light.

But for now, this week, this spring, she could see it. And on the following Wednesday night when he made a caustic remark about the delicious riced cauliflower with pumpkin seeds and goat cheese she’d served for dinner, she just smiled.  

57 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Saya IBU WINDA ingin berbagi cerita kepada anda semua bahwa saya yg dulunya cuma seorang TKW di SINGAPURA jadi pembantu rumah tangga yg gajinya tidak mencukupi keluarga di kampun,jadi TKW itu sangat menderita dan di suatu hari saya duduk2 buka internet dan tidak di sengaja saya melihat komentar orang tentan AKI SOLEH dan katanya bisa membantu orang untuk memberikan nomor yg betul betul tembus dan kebetulan juga saya sering pasan nomor di SINGAPURA,akhirnya saya coba untuk menhubungi AKI SOLEH dan ALHAMDULILLAH beliau mau membantu saya untuk memberikan nomor,dan nomor yg di berikan AKI SOLEH meman betul2 terbukti tembus dan saya sangat bersyukur berkat bantuan AKI SOLEH kini saya bisa pulang ke INDONESIA untuk buka usaha sendiri,,munkin saya tidak bisa membalas budi baik AKI SOLEH sekali lagi makasih yaa AKI dan bagi teman2 yg menjadi TKW atau TKI seperti saya,bila butuh bantuan hubungi saja AKI SOLEH DI 082-313-336-747- insya ALLAH beliau akan membantu anda.Ini benar benar kisah nyata dari saya seorang TKW trimah kasih banyak atas bantuang nomor togel nya AKI wassalam.


      KLIK DISINI BOCORAN TOGEL HARI INI




















      Saya IBU WINDA ingin berbagi cerita kepada anda semua bahwa saya yg dulunya cuma seorang TKW di SINGAPURA jadi pembantu rumah tangga yg gajinya tidak mencukupi keluarga di kampun,jadi TKW itu sangat menderita dan di suatu hari saya duduk2 buka internet dan tidak di sengaja saya melihat komentar orang tentan AKI SOLEH dan katanya bisa membantu orang untuk memberikan nomor yg betul betul tembus dan kebetulan juga saya sering pasan nomor di SINGAPURA,akhirnya saya coba untuk menhubungi AKI SOLEH dan ALHAMDULILLAH beliau mau membantu saya untuk memberikan nomor,dan nomor yg diberikan AKI SOLEH meman betul2 terbukti tembus dan saya sangat bersyukur berkat bantuan AKI SOLEH kini saya bisa pulang ke INDONESIA untuk buka usaha sendiri,,munkin saya tidak bisa membalas budi baik AKI SOLEH sekali lagi makasih yaa AKI dan bagi teman2 yg menjadi TKW atau TKI seperti saya,bila butuh bantuan hubungi saja AKI SOLEH DI 082-313-336-747- insya ALLAH beliau akan membantu anda.Ini benar benar kisah nyata dari saya seorang TKW
      trimah kasih banyak atas bantuang nomor togel nya AKI wassalam.


      KLIK DISINI BOCORAN TOGEL HARI INI





















      Delete
  2. one of your best posts (and that's saying something). always so excited to get to read something new from you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Annie in Texas6/2/16, 1:53 PM

    you have a curry leaf tree??? I'm so jealous!!!!
    Thank God for patient husbands!

    ReplyDelete
  4. One of the best posts ever. My husband eats the thrilling meals I make every night while wishing (mostly silently) that it was a Philly cheese-steak from Pepper Jacks.

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  5. Oh so well done. thank you!

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  6. "Mostly, she was perfect."

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  7. says it all=what really counts

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  8. The same light over and over again... so true. Great post! But, just for the record, you are right about all this food stuff and he is wrong. We have your back for the next cherry argument. :)

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  9. I was so glad when I got to the ending; the post was making me nervous. I am listening to Sweetbitter. I wonder if you will like it or not like it. I hope you will let us know.

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  10. Amen, sister. Going on 30 years here and still, still, that same light has to keep dawning...

    ReplyDelete
  11. This is fantastic! All is the same around here. I just summarized your post for my husband and he agreed with the idea of taking all nourishment in pill form.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Oh, what a delight of a post!

    Speaking of fruit, I made myself very popular at a recent cookout by adapting the apple streusel pie recipe from your book with strawberries and rhubarb. I used 5 cups of fruit and added 1/4 cup of cornstarch, which was probably more than necessary, in an attempt to control soupiness. Big hit, if you're still hunting for your rhubarb pie recipe.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Love, love, love this post. Thank you!

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  14. What an inspiring post! I think re-committing every day is very hard, but you are right, it is the key to most successful relationships. We are all such flawed creatures, each in our own way. Thank you for such an eloquent reminder. This is a beautiful love letter to Mark. I hope he reads it.

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  15. Wonderful post! Worth the wait! I can so relate to this....

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  16. I also was slightly holding my breath until I got to the end. Whew, thank goodness! I think you both sound "mostly perfect" and you've helped me realize that my own husband---who has the annoying habit of rearranging and "cleaning" problem areas when I am out of town (as I was recently)---is "mostly perfect" as well. I think I will go make him a pie with some cherries mangled only by a cherry pitter. Thank you for helping me see my own light (yes, that light) once again.


















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  17. I wasn't a BIT nervous reading this once-upon-a-time - but I was amused.

    *Nervous* readers were not attentive readers.

    The rain clouds threatened, amusingly, but only friendly, tranquil rain was going to fall.

    Not a chance of tornado.

    Let's leave tornadoes to the Pioneer Woman's Okie home on the range, shall we?

    The gently arching, from-a-distance perspective on *white girls' marriage problems* reminds me of Laurie Colwin.

    Yes, you should be flattered.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I know this isn't a gardening column , but I ,too, have a curry leaf tree which is growing very slowly. If you have any hints about making them happy, I would be grateful. I do have a kaffir lime tree which is truly flourishing .

    ReplyDelete
  19. Alternate ending by Flannery O'Connor...

    But for now, this week, this spring, she could see it. And on the following Wednesday night when he made a caustic remark about the delicious riced cauliflower with pumpkin seeds and goat cheese she’d served for dinner, she blew off the top of his slightly lopsided, balding head with a Winchester hunting rifle.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hee hee. Love this Tipsy community.
      Rachel x

      Delete
  20. This is so lovely.

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  21. Yep. That's how it works. Took us about 15 years to figure it out. We passed 35 last August, and we never argue about silly things any more. Almost never.

    Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I wasn't nervous reading this post; I knew you knew this deep down. I found it fascinating. My husband and I have different ideas but we have learned to live and let live. Until I come home and he has decided to 'helpfully' load the dishwasher including my cast iron pan. I have nearly macerated my tongue not saying anything about it anymore. It isn't worth the downside. I am aware that he could name a list as long as mine about my flaws. Although, like you, I'm pretty much perfect.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. After soaking my cast iron skillet overnight so he could wash it, my husband is no longer allowed to clean the cast iron. We are both happier.

      Delete
  23. I was terrified you were telling us the story of why the two of you decided to get a divorce. I am SO GLAD this was not that. Well done! I had to keep reading - a trip to the farmers market was totally stressing me out vicariously! Lol! It is the small things in life that cause are very odd. This made me think of Erma Bombeck....Thank you for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  29. تعرف على كل ما تريده فى الكثير من الاعمال الميمزة والخدمات الرائعة فى نقل عفش مكة كافة الخصومات الكبيرة نقدمها اليكم

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  30. موقعنا واحد من افضل المواقع صيانة فريجيدير المتخصصة والرائعة فى اعمال صيانة توشيبا اذا كنت تبحث عن اى من الصيانات نقدمها اليكم

    ReplyDelete
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