Thursday, October 11, 2012

Does this pizza oven make me look fat?

Now those are some arms!
I looked stout in that photo in the last blog entry. I winced when I saw it, but posted it anyway. Monday night, a friend emailed me:

that is one impressive oven! unbelievable. not my favorite picture of you ever.

The nerve! I fumed. I lost track of what was happening on Homeland and sat on the sofa pursuing a train of thought that belongs on another blog, but since this is the only blog I've got, I will hold forth very briefly before moving on to Suriani cuisine.

After I spent all of Sunday building, stoking, and tending a 1000+ degree fire in an oven I constructed from scratch and singlehandedly carried around loads of firewood, cleaned the house, and made appetizers, pizza, apple pie, and Greek yogurt gelato for eleven dinner guests, my neighbor took a snapshot of me wearing a floral apron and welding gloves and waiting for a pizza to cook. The heat had melted burned off a chunk of my bangs and I'm not at my skinniest. I was pretty sure I wasn't going to love the photo and I was right. I did not look smashing. I decided not to care. How thoroughly annoying that someone had to voice their agreement!

I am 46 and suspect that "favorite pictures" are going to be an ever scarcer commodity and I am going to have to be ok with that and so is everybody else. If we only show the world "favorite pictures" we will all eventually become invisible and when you are invisible you don't get credit for your achievements, and who doesn't want credit for building a weird earthen oven in her yard? There was a picture of me looking plain with the oven and there was a picture of the oven all by itself and I made an editorial decision. The correct editorial decision. Far from making me want to take the dumpy picture down, my friend's offhand remark (I am not holding a grudge!) made me glad I had posted it. I think Lena Dunham's outfits are often awkward and outlandish, but I'm completely down with what she's trying to do.

And without further ado, Syrian Christian food.

My children do not like fish, but I felt I had to make at least one fish recipe from The Suriani Kitchen, given how central seafood is to the Surriani diet. Here is Lathika George on Suriani fish cookery: "Tiny sardines are marinated in spices and fried crisp in coconut oil; chunks of kaalanji (a backwater salmon) simmer with chilli and coccum in earthenware pots over smoky wood fires; whole karimeen is wrapped in banana leaves and roasted in the glowing embers of the hearth; and shrimps are stir fried with slices of tender coconut, spices, and the omnipresent curry leaves."

Just reading this I gained 5 pounds. Not that I would ever care about something like that.

I chose to make fish molee, which George describes as a "creamy fish curry, probably influenced by travelers from Malaya." As Whole Foods did not have any kaalanji or karimeen, I bought cod filets. At home in a big skillet I fried onions, garlic, curry leaves, ginger, cloves and hot green peppers, then added coconut milk and the cod. Twenty minutes later we had a sumptuous stew of tender white fish poached in spicy coconut gravy. It was fabulous -- suave, white, rich, aromatic -- and unlike anything they serve at most Indian restaurants in the United States.

Unfortunately, the accompanying paalappams -- rice pancakes that are supposed to look like this -- failed. The batter stuck like a second skin to the skillet and we ended up with scrambled dough.

That was Tuesday. Last night I cooked a splendid dinner full of exotic delicacies, but an account will have to wait until later as I am all out of vim.

101 comments:

  1. For what it's worth from someone who's never seen you in person, I think it's a great picture of you. You look happy and you are doing something interesting. That's more important - for this blog, and probably for life - than having perfect hair or perfect clothes or being perfectly skinny.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The answer to the question is no. And can I add that you look hot (and not because you are standing near front of a firing pizza oven). I could elaborate, but this is a family blog.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I heard you on Wis. Public Radio the other day and looked up your blog (partially out of curiousity to see what you look like) and I am really enjoying your blog and my first thought on seeing that picture was 'wow, she's really pretty'--not saying that to make you feel better, either!

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is potentially going to sound like bullhs*t, but I'm going to ask you to roll with it with me, 'cause it's the truth: I think you look totally badass in every photo you've shared. You're (a) objectively, physically adorable and (b) full of life. FULL OF LIFE. Which makes you beautiful.

    There is nothing more triumphant than bangs burnt off in the pursuit of a hand-built pizza oven in your yard. You are a Glamazon.

    GLAM-A-ZON.

    (please note that I wanted to use the fully-spelled out -ing version of the F-bomb about a dozen times in my comment, but I restrained myself.)

    You are the very definition of vim.

    ReplyDelete
  5. That picture without you in it would be like a trophy fish picture without the fisherman. As a fellow 46 year old I do understand. There are very few pictures of my mom because she mistakenly thinks she doesn't photograph well. Future generations won't know what she looked like. Sad. On the subject of paalappams--I bought a mix (my Indian friend said it was OK :) but when we made them at her house we used a nonstick skillet and liberal lashings of oil.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm outraged on your behalf!!! I saw that photo; I was blown away by what you'd built...all I remember was that you looked happy & proud & slightly flushed from the heat. When I read this post, I went back and looked at the picture again, and that's what I saw the second time, too. The hell with anyone who looks at you and your amazing accomplishment and can only send you a veiled comment about your weight.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Others have already said this, but I liked that photo of you, standing triumphantly over the oven that you f***ing built yourself. I like it for the same reasons I like your blog and your book: it's real. It conveys who you are, a vibrant, adventurous, attractive woman. So many food blogs show food, and people, manicured to unappetizing perfection. You, your food, and your blog are perfect without having to be primped and prepped til all the life's been sucked out.

    ReplyDelete
  8. You are correct: no sense waiting for the perfect picture.(although I agree with your other readers that you do look pretty darn perfect.. the photo feels so enthused with such a cool (hot?) accomplishment...)

    re photos:
    photos are photos. Lady Di was photogenic. I have a friend who looks MUCH better in photos than in real life...my sister looks MUCH better in real life than photos....a photo is just a photo. it is the real person who counts..

    but it sure can be hard to see a photo of oneself..just wait until you are 70:)

    ReplyDelete
  9. As a fellow 46-year-old, I have a thought. First of all, I 'm sitting here watching the Vice-Presidential debate and thinking what a nice complexion Martha Raddatz has and also thinking WTF am I doing? I didn't objectify Jim Lehrer!

    But the thought I really had about your friend's comment was that it might have been meant as a compliment. She might have meant, "I think you are actually much prettier than that picture represents you as being." After all, if someone gushed over how great you looked in that picture you might think they thought it flattered you. You know what I mean?

    Anyway, I think you look lovely, smiling and rosy-cheeked in front of your beautiful oven. And I love what you said about not always trying to show favorite pictures.

    Whew, I think you kind of touched a nerve with this post. No one has commented about the food so far ;)

    ReplyDelete
  10. That's some nerve. I'd hold a grudge for sure, and think snottily to myself how she's holding The Sisterhood back. I'm into overreacting. I'm up to my choke line on a woman's value being reduced to her appearance.

    ReplyDelete
  11. You rock. Straight talk and a kickass oven. Thanks for this post.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'm guessing you've seen this already?

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/allison-tate/mom-pictures-with-kids_b_1926073.html

    Keep posting the pics with you in them!

    ReplyDelete
  13. In my last blog post I have an unsightly roll of neck fat, that I didn't even know could exist, but I posted the picture anyways because the entire picture is lovely. Just like your awesome oven and badass arm. Plus it's adorned with a welding glove, which makes you even more awesome. And can we get the actual fish curry recipe?? Sounds delish!

    ReplyDelete
  14. A word from someone in her 70s: I now look at old pictures that I hated because I thought I looked fat and I think, "Wasn't I gorgeous?" We're all too hard on ourselves.

    ReplyDelete
  15. As I have gotten older and moved into old (I'm 68, working on 69), I have noticed that pictures of me I have hated in the past look much better in the space of a few years. We are always more critical of ourselves. In my mind I picture myself looking like Jacqueline Bissitt--in actuality, not exactly.

    ReplyDelete
  16. At this point my comment will seem redundant, but anyone who reduces an accomplishment like that oven to a photo shoot has a problem. Most women in this country have a problem with relating their looks to their worth. It is unnecessary, self-inflicted negative talk. Yes, society encourages it, but we don't have to do it! Deprogram, people, deprogram! I think you are very attractive, honestly, but the subject of the post was that oven. I am in awe of most things you accomplish. You are my can-do gal, and I am no slouch in that department myself. Now, that fish recipe sounds glorious, may I have it? I have a freezer full of crappie and bass that would like to be cooked up that way, I'm thinking!

    ReplyDelete
  17. You look happy and accomplished and both look beautiful on you!

    ReplyDelete
  18. You go! I think you look great!

    ReplyDelete
  19. I love this post, and it makes me glad I recently posted a picture that I didn't think I looked good in, but posted anyway. We should all just get in the picture, already. Thanks for saying this about doing it.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Everyone else has pretty much said what i was going to say - you look GREAT in that photo! I'm glad you wrote this - I had just read the mom article someone else posted and although I don't have kids, I find myself deleting pictures I don't like of myself. Everyone's comments here are such great reminders that we ARE all too hard on ourselves, appearance wise, and that we have so much to be proud of! Being ourselves is truly the most beautiful thing. I absolutely LOVE your writing and thoughts and accomplishments and I'm so glad you posted that picture AND this entry. :)

    ReplyDelete
  21. I was too busy judging your pizza oven to notice how you looked. Looking again I think both you and oven are looking pretty damn fine.

    To the 70 year old who posted - Thank you. I'm already having that experience in my 50's. I agonized over photos of myself for years and now I look back at them and think: "What was the problem? I looked good. What a waste of angst." I have an aunt who died a few years back and her daughters only have a few images of her. She hated how she looked in photos and never allowed anyone to take pictures of her. What a shame, they would have loved more images of her life- and no one would have cared what her weight, clothing or hair style was.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Terrific photo. Have been following the oven progress with awe. Thanks for loaning your energy to the rest of us! Love your blog, your book reviews, your family, you!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Ha, this post gave me a flashback to when I was sharing some photos with my mother of a trip to Iceland. She looked at one of me in front of a gorgeous waterfall, and said "Your thighs look fat in that picture." First, Iceland in September = cold and windy. I was wearing two pairs of pants one over the other. Second, Iceland! Waterfall! So beautiful, I was so happy to be there, and for my mother the only signficant thing in the photo was my "fat" thighs. But sadly, this is such a common attitude.

    I am so impressed by your ability and determination to build this oven. I loved that photo of you. You looked strong and happy and proud, and as if you could do anything you set your mind to. I find you very inspiring.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Are you kidding? STOUT???? You look beautiful. Not to mention happy, proud as a peacock, warm and welcoming. I thought that was a great photo.

    ReplyDelete
  25. As many others have said, you look great in that picture - happy and satisfied with the accomplishment of reaching a goal! I do not know you and and thought that the picture of you was great. I totally understand how people today (MANY people, not just those who are older than a certain age) are so unhappy when they see a photo of themselves. I think people have been brainwashed by the excess airbrushing and makeup that is on screens and magazines everywhere.

    A few years ago I entered a chocolate cake contest at the county fair. It was July. It was crazy hot and humid (thank you Pennsylvania!). I won. I won! I was so psyched and happy to have my picture taken, and then when I saw the picture later I picked myself apart - shiny nose and forehead, hair all frizzed and curly (see heat and humidity above). Here is the thing I see now when I look at (because I thankfully did not delete it off the camera like I am want to do at times...) - a celebration of a great day when I tried something on a whim and WON. SATISFACTION.

    Embrace it - in the future your descendants will see that their ancestor rocked the cob oven in her OWN backyard.

    BTW - both that dinner you fired up, and the fish curry sound delightful!

    ReplyDelete
  26. You are always a vision of loveliness! In this particular photo the shyly proud pizza goddess shines through.
    Glad to know I'm not the only one who reads B***h blog/mag. Dine on. - Hilary

    ReplyDelete
  27. Have you ever thought about testing the price difference for cottage cheese, make or buy?
    Sonja

    ReplyDelete
  28. funny, when i saw the picture of you and your new oven I was instantly envious of how pretty you are! I absolutely love your blog (and Love love love your book) and look forward to your every post because I never know what it will be. will it be about food? kids? blasting someone for saying something ridiculous? I love them all!

    Marianne

    ReplyDelete
  29. First, you are adorable. Absolutely, certifiably adorable - and that is a gorgeous shot for so many of the reasons others have stated.

    Second, unlike you, I actually am fat. Not a little bit overweight, not need to lose a couple of pounds, but my doctor wants me to lose me to lose about 40% of my current weight fat. And while I am trying, with greater and less success, to lose some of that weight, I am also living my life - and I have decided that I still need to be in all our photos so that my son will have pictures of his Mom throughout her life span, and I will have a chronicle of my time here.

    Finally, that sounds like an incredible meal and if you ever need to expand your guest list, please know that my six year old son, spouse and I will be there for you!

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