One day I'll stop talking about guacamole and hummus. |
For all you mere mortals, I will describe a local TV station green room.
Imagine a tiny, windowless burrow with a television on which is playing a soap opera. There are some out-of-date magazines (but good ones!), a tub of pinkish face powder, a soft sofa, two soft chairs, a mirror, a coffee machine, and a massive tray of food. No straight bourbon such as Michael Ruhlman describes appearing in Martha Stewart's green room. Boo. But there is a wide array of tasty packaged snacks that Martha would never countenance, like Nutter Butters and Teddy Grahams. I eat two Hershey minis and a granola bar. Drink coffee. Take a picture of myself. Read about Kate Gosselin. Hyperventilate. Drink more coffee. Read about Brad Pitt. Hyperventilate.
Other guests eventually join me in the holding cell. I mean, green room. Specifically, the embattled authors of a self-published novel called Tales from Swankville that takes place in Pleasanton, California. Tales from Swankville has, I learn from the very nice authors, infuriated various thin-skinned citizens of Pleasanton who feel they have been depicted in an unflattering light. The uproar is why the authors are appearing on 7Live. I am now tempted to read the book.
There is a lesson here: If someone depicts you in an unflattering light in their self-published novel, don't make a big, ugly fuss. Because if you do, they may go on TV and everyone will suddenly want to read the self-published novel in which you are depicted in an unflattering light.
That was my green room experience. Then I went on air with with Lizzie Bermudez, who was very pretty and wearing what I think might have been Christian Louboutin shoes. Until about a month ago, I didn't know what Christian Louboutin shoes were and then someone told me and now I encounter them everywhere. In Joan Didion's Blue Nights, on The Good Wife, on Lizzie Bermudez. |
Kidding. It was fine. I was giddy for about 15 minutes and then crashed. Came home totally drained, good for absolutely nothing for the next 24 hours except to drink wine and wander glassy-eyed around the internet looking at shoes. Not Christian Louboutin. Neither my style nor my price range,
The authoress in the KGO green room showing off her mad camera skills. |
Jennifer,
ReplyDeleteLove your book and your blog! Glad to read about another sensible woman who refuses to wear that type of shoes. I appreciate your sense of adventure much more than their sense of fashion.
Hens
ReplyDeleteby Henri Cole
It’s good for the ego, when I call
and they come
running, squawking and clucking,
because it’s feedtime,
and once again I can’t resist picking up little Lazarus,
an orange-and-white pullet I adore.
“Yes, yes, everything will be
okay,” I say to her glaring mongrel
face. Come September,
she’ll begin to lay the blue-green
eggs I love poached.
God dooms the snake to taste
nothing but the dust
and the hen to 4,000 or so
ovulations. Poor Lazarus--
last spring an intruder murdered
her sisters and left her
garroted in the coop. There’s a way
the wounded
light up a dark rectangular space.
Suffering becomes
the universal theme. Too soft, and
you’ll be squeezed;
too hard, and you’ll be broken.
Even a hen knows this,
posing on a manure pile, her body a
stab of gold.
(http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/10/hens/7670/)
Thanks for the update on Natalie. How is Peppermint doing?
ReplyDeleteDid you make a lot of goat cheese this spring and summer?
Deane
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